I sat down to write a review about some matte eye shadows but my fingers are typing about something else. Inside feelings need to be poured out first.
Today is a Mother's Day and I had a rough one. I used to be hiding away from Valentine's Day. Now I am afraid of the Mother's Day. Me and my husband's affords of a child have been failing for considerable amount of time now. Especially after a failed ivf, I have been changing drastically. I am angry. I m angry that my body is failing me, I am angry that these procedures, medications, doctor's visits cost a fortune, I am angry that I do not have the money to spend on these things at this age, I am angry that we are manipulated and keep putting our selves into more debt. Especially I can not stand the combination of two words: "what if".
According to statistics,the age 35 is the magic number. By the age of 35, you have better chance of pregnancy with ivf and end up with a successful birth. No need to mention, your chance of pregnancy increases with repetition. I am about to expire in five months.
And all I want to do is save our money and go to Italy with my husband. But instead, we are going to see another doctor this month. New consultation fee and new uncovered blood tests and ultrasounds are on the way. With all my heart, I do not want to do it. But again, what if it would be too late after Italy????
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Business Like
Ohhh SHittttt! Time flies and I am still clueless.
Writing helps to relax the mind and synchronize body clock with the ????---well, 'day time' I guess. My mind attacks me with stress, most powerful destroyer known to me. Now I own my business (actually not business yet) which means I have to be creative. Web site contents, presenting self, flyers, brochures,selling, regulations,.... And believe me, it is not as simple as paying someone else to do these for you when you are not able to give directions for the destination. Plus, I own a micro budget and stubborn self.
Ok, we all know that we will have glorious lives if we end up doing what we love. Well good luck finding that. I love makeup , Argentine Tango, Books (occasionally), Travels (all the time, anywhere), but THE JOBBBB could not make it to the list yet. I am tired of asking my self about what I love to do. So I changed the questions. What should I do to love what I do, BRO????
It was shocking to me how nervous I get when it comes to introducing my academic/professional self just for thirty seconds. I can talk hours about makeup, my travels but I can not talk about my business for thirty seconds. So does that mean I am not passionate about my own business, WHAT ??????
In this economy, in which you end up spending money for clean air, if you quit your job because you were losing it, ended up spending some of your savings to face post-quitting stress, and invest the rest to build you own company, it can not be that you hate what you do. I consider this to be lack of motivation.
It is not that I do not like it but it feels like there is nothing interesting to talk about it. And I think I figured out a little bit of why. I do not spend time learning new things about my business and I do not put any efforts to improve it.
Breaking it to pieces.
For example, I love makeup. It is a hobby to me. I spent hours looking at different colors, textures, application techniques, reading new brands, watching Youtubers. Pay attention to spending hours part. Mine goes beyond making smart choices based on product reviews or watching gorgeous people put on bronzer. I also do videos putting my make up on. Because I learn and try many things, I want to share it. Just to do that, I had to fix my old camera, find a good lighting, paint a 400 sq. ft. room by myself, learned to use a free editing program, and figure out an angle to take selfies (do you know how long it took? FOREVER). Barely anybody watches them but I keep doing them. In other words, if you are doing something because you enjoy doing it, you do not need anybody's approval to continue doing it. Motivation comes from within.
So I decided to grow up a little bit on the business side. I am focused on presenting my company (30 sec to 3 min introduction), elevator pitch, improving my website, and work on some kick ass flyers. I have a lot of reading and research to do. All of a sudden, I am busy now but soon I am going to review Kryolan.
Bye.
Writing helps to relax the mind and synchronize body clock with the ????---well, 'day time' I guess. My mind attacks me with stress, most powerful destroyer known to me. Now I own my business (actually not business yet) which means I have to be creative. Web site contents, presenting self, flyers, brochures,selling, regulations,.... And believe me, it is not as simple as paying someone else to do these for you when you are not able to give directions for the destination. Plus, I own a micro budget and stubborn self.
Ok, we all know that we will have glorious lives if we end up doing what we love. Well good luck finding that. I love makeup , Argentine Tango, Books (occasionally), Travels (all the time, anywhere), but THE JOBBBB could not make it to the list yet. I am tired of asking my self about what I love to do. So I changed the questions. What should I do to love what I do, BRO????
It was shocking to me how nervous I get when it comes to introducing my academic/professional self just for thirty seconds. I can talk hours about makeup, my travels but I can not talk about my business for thirty seconds. So does that mean I am not passionate about my own business, WHAT ??????
In this economy, in which you end up spending money for clean air, if you quit your job because you were losing it, ended up spending some of your savings to face post-quitting stress, and invest the rest to build you own company, it can not be that you hate what you do. I consider this to be lack of motivation.
It is not that I do not like it but it feels like there is nothing interesting to talk about it. And I think I figured out a little bit of why. I do not spend time learning new things about my business and I do not put any efforts to improve it.
Breaking it to pieces.
For example, I love makeup. It is a hobby to me. I spent hours looking at different colors, textures, application techniques, reading new brands, watching Youtubers. Pay attention to spending hours part. Mine goes beyond making smart choices based on product reviews or watching gorgeous people put on bronzer. I also do videos putting my make up on. Because I learn and try many things, I want to share it. Just to do that, I had to fix my old camera, find a good lighting, paint a 400 sq. ft. room by myself, learned to use a free editing program, and figure out an angle to take selfies (do you know how long it took? FOREVER). Barely anybody watches them but I keep doing them. In other words, if you are doing something because you enjoy doing it, you do not need anybody's approval to continue doing it. Motivation comes from within.
So I decided to grow up a little bit on the business side. I am focused on presenting my company (30 sec to 3 min introduction), elevator pitch, improving my website, and work on some kick ass flyers. I have a lot of reading and research to do. All of a sudden, I am busy now but soon I am going to review Kryolan.
Bye.
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